Day 241 - Soul Food

eye to eye

All day I've been lurching from intense emotion to intense emotion...whilst my exterior probably appears fairly calm and stable, my insides have been tugged all over the place, as if there's a tiny rollercoaster running through my core.

My heart is absolutely aching for my nephew Chris, his mum and dad, and his siblings.  I know Jools and Siobhan are both strong, capable, confident people, and they will fight fiercely for whatever Chris needs - and they'll get it.  But of course, he's on my mind and wrenching at my heartstrings constantly...

On the other hand, I interviewed a bright, young candidate for an apprenticeship today, and we're going to take him on, which is a great opportunity for him...a potentially life-changing event.  It's really nice to be able to give that chance to someone, so that has given me some proper satisfaction in my job, for the day at least.

Then at the same time, I'm intensely angry and frustrated with our landlords who are letting us down on every front.  It feels as though we're living on a building site, and we can't seem to get any remedial work done at all.  It's very depressing, and I'm fuming with our estate agent, with his endless yet entirely empty promises.

I felt a vague melancholy as Anna and I were chatting about the house situation whilst walking the dogs, and we gradually realised that our time here is ending.  I've lived in this little cottage for nine years now, and Anna with me for the last four or five...and our little menagerie, ever present of course.  

However, since losing both Bluez last Autumn, and now Jazz this summer, it feels as though the heart of the house has gone...it's lost its warmth, and its charm...and now the garden is ruined too, and suddenly we're running very low on reasons to be here...

But then we started to talk about buying our own place, and suddenly the mood turned to excitement as we realised that we should pursue our dream, and look for a place of our own...somewhere we can have however many of whatever animals we like, and make a home for ourselves.

And then we arrived back home, to be greeted enthusiastically by Loz...and that reminded me of how wonderful it is to have animal companions in your life...

catface

So I find that in spite of the all the other trauma, tension and discontent in other areas of life, it's still possible to be happy in the moment...and however worried I am about other people in my life, my worrying isn't going to help them or me in any way.  

Better to get my own soul food where I can, in order to support and strengthen me to be a shoulder to lean on, to stand my ground in the face of adversity, to be whatever I need to be for whomever needs me...

In fact it behooves me to be happy whenever I can, to find joy in the small things, and to use that powerful energy to positive effect in other situations that could well do with support...

It would be rude not to...