Day 267 - Dog Plants

jazzpots

We shed a few tears today, as we potted up Jazz's memorial plants in the warm, late summer sunshine.

We've been putting it off for a while, but today there were no excuses.  For my part, I think I'd been avoiding opening his lovely cardboard urn and facing the truth of his ashes...and sure enough, I find I'm still quite emotional, and I realise that I still think of him often...every day I suppose.

We're going to go up to the woods and carve his name in the tree with Bluez's, one cool evening this week...it would have been too warm for him this afternoon - he would have struggled on the long walk up the hill, so it seemed somehow inconsiderate to go today...

But we spent a melancholy half an hour pottering and potting and pondering, quietly contemplating our old boy as we sprinkled some of his ashes into these pots.

As a ritual, it works nicely...I can't look at these plants and not see Jazzy B strong and clear in my mind.

Similarly with all of our growing collection of lovely pots...they're not all specifically for Jazz or Bluez, but together they invoke (for me) a striking nostalgia for my boyz. 

dogzpotz

We have all of these in pots, but our plan is to plant some of them in the ground when we get into a home we own (or have sold our souls to the banks for).

Our lives are undergoing transformational change this year, it seems...everything has been coming undone, and the turbulence has been a little nauseating at times...so far it's mostly been a process of deconstruction, as our settled home life has slowly imploded, coincident with the loss of the dogs. 

But now things are starting to fall into place, as our plans are solidifying...the way forward is starting to emerge from the mists of uncertainty and doubt...

I guess more of that will come out over coming weeks and months, and by the time I complete this series of blog posts - everything could have changed!

Hence, having spent much of today looking backwards with fond nostalgia, and sweet, painful reminiscence, I'll now see the day out looking forward...

To a week in Font, leaving in a few days...

To a new home...

To...who knows what else?

;-)

Day 260 - In Remembrance

jazz pots

Having bought some memorial plants for Bluez, today we went shopping for something similar for Jazz...

We wandered around our local gardening centre looking for inspiration, and in the process discovered that, for some reason, in our heads, where Bluez was blue and green, Jazz is red and orange...warm colours for the endlessly loving being that he was.

I'm not generally very interested in flowers, but Fuschia is one I know and like...when we happened upon them they immediately seemed right to both of us...

And curiously, I don't know many trees either, but Rhus is one I'm both familiar with and fond of...its leaves turn a glorious orangey-red at certain times of year...and when we found a few small ones in pots, we were both immediately happy to have one to match Bluez' Rowan.

So we found a couple of nice pots in warm earth colours and brought them home.  We'll plant them in their new pots, complete with a sprinkling of Jazz-ash, when we have a little ceremony for the old boy in a week or so.

With Bluez we had our funeral ritual within a week or two of his death...with Jazz, it's taken a lot longer...I'm not going to analyse that to work out why - it is what it is, and these things happen in their own good time. 

For now, suffice to say that we still miss him keenly, every day...the plants (both Jazz and Bluez') will come with us when we move home, and we'll plant them as a permanent memorial to two of the best friends we ever had. 


In other news, it's the end of August!

I've been thinking about how the fitness training and Font preparation has come on, especially since realising how tired I've become as the month has drawn to a close. 

I had a look back at how much I've done over the last 31 days:

• Number of climbing sessions = 6
• Number of Pull-up Challenge sessions = 11
• Number of Push-up Challenge sessions = 4
• Number of Tai Chi sessions = approx 15.
• Number of non-rest days = 26

I don't think I've lost any weight, and I may even have put some on (although I don't trust my scales at all, so I'm not really sure)...but I do feel that I'm stronger and overall in much better shape. 

I'm fairly pleased with all of that, and I reckon I've earned a bit of an easier time over the next couple of weeks...I certainly won't get an easier time at work, but I'll ease up on the exercise and let my body recover a little.

Recovery certainly takes longer than it used to, as you get older...I probably shouldn't have waited until I was in in my mid-40's before I started doing any sort of exercise!

Still, I think I'm in reasonable shape for a 50 year old...I'm even considering doing the Insanity Workout 60 Day Challenge in the New Year...more on that in due course!

Otherwise, it's been a somewhat dramatic and fairly stressful month:

• Traumatic times for my nephew and his family...
• The constant frustration and disruption of the drainage contractors saga...
• Dealing with the loss of Jazz, and missing him every single day...
• Learning to live with no dogs at all, and realising how wrong that is...
• Busy and difficult issues at work for both of us...
• Skateboarding accidents...
• Annoying telecomms supplier issues...

But alongside all that, there's been lots of good stuff too:

• Learning Tai Chi...
• Meeting random dogs here and there...
• Sticking with the Pull-up Challenge...
• Chris making miraculous strides in his recovery...
• Bouldering lots...
• Meeting some very old trees...
• Fun on skateboards...
• Deciding to buy a new house...
• Getting fitter and stronger...
• Receiving a bunch of cool new 2117 clothes (absolute bargain!)...
• Starting to look for a new dog...
• Paying off all my debts...

On balance, it's been a typically hectic, mournful, active, stressful, chilled, engaging, sore, positive, sad, frustrating, painful and happy month!

Here's to a new one, starting tomorrow...

Do you remember?

;-)

Day 179 - Unfulfilled Potential

fish plant, plant fish

There are a lot of animals in today's photo...it's just that you can't see any of them very well.

Mind you, that possibly makes it sound more exciting than it is...it's merely six or ten goldfish, lurking in the muddy depths of the fish pond in the courtyard at work.  If you look closely, you can just about make out one or two of them...the pond is absolutely teeming with them, and some of them are quite big. 

But, erm, yep, that's about all I have to say about fish...ooh no, wait a minute, this is another animal for my collection of animal photo's...so I did have something else to say!

But now, that's all I have to say about fish...wait a sec'...no...no...yep, that's definitely all I have to say. 

Still, that's not the end of the story, fear not!

Continuing a theme of potential photo opportunities wherein I fail to get any decent photo's at all, check out this little ant:

extravag-ant accessory

He's carrying a large section of beetle carapace, which is how I came to spot him as we were walking up the lane...impressive!

Unfortunately, the light wasn't great, and I had completely the wrong lens on, of course...I had the 55-300mm zoom, which won't focus nearer than about 3ft...I couldn't hold the camera steady, crouched down uncomfortably as I was....and I certainly wasn't going to lie down on the road to get to eye level.   

The net effect of all of which is, of course, this fairly pathetic image of a cool little red ant, lugging a lump of beetle. 

Sorry 'bout that, must try harder!

:-/

Day 148 - Mad Cow (Parsley)

road to nowhere

I love the explosion of jungle that we get at this time of year...

These few brief weeks of late Spring, when plant growth seems exponential, and fresh green foliage bursts out of everything...

Unfortunately, my sinuses have joined the fray - productivity levels appear to have been raised considerably, in order to boost output...I don't know what's happening, this is about the fourth cold type episode I've had in succession...I've spent more of this year with blocked sinuses and a runny nose than without! 

I'm telling you all that to both give the impression of having something to talk about (when actually I'm somewhat braindead), and also to excuse my lack of having anything to talk about (because I'm somewhat braindead).

Really, my mind has just sort of stalled, and I find myself sitting staring blankly at the screen with (I presume) a vacant look on my face.

It doesn't help that we went bouldering this afternoon - Anna's last chance for a workout before her holiday.   We climbed quite well, but I was tired and ran low on energy very quickly.   Now my body wants to go into that semi-comatose state that follows strenuous activity (and high levels of physical tiredness), and this has the effect of drawing my mental state along with it. 

Body and mind - you can't separate them!  Well, you could, but it's often short-sighted (if not downright foolish) to try. 

Anyway back to the plot (as if there even is one!)...at this time of year we have a short window where the cow parsley that grows all along the narrow verges either side of our lane blossoms, shortly after the year's major growth spurt. 

For a little while, you can't see round the bend, there's nowhere to go if a car comes by (fortunately a rarity, as the lane is a no-through road), and the air is pungent with flowery perfume.

Sometime in the next week or two, the farmer who lives down at the bottom of the valley, will bring his hedgerow-trimmer/verge-mower up and down the lane, and cut it all down.   

I realised that this is all a familiar cycle to me know, having experienced it for the last seven or eight years, so I was pleased to get an opportunity to capture it here.

Whilst out walking Jazz, I also tried to get a shot of this lovely oak tree, when the sun briefly graced us with its warmth and light.

green

Unfortunately, I was too close to the tree, and I only had a prime lens with me (that is, a fixed lens with no zoom capability).  Still, I like the shot anyway...because, you know, green!

Anyway there you go, that's about all my cold-addled brain can manage tonight.  It's taken me about three hours just to write this much, although that did include eating my dinner and watching the finals of the latest round of the bouldering World Cup...

Yay, Shauna! 

:-)

Day 132 - Prime Directive

climbing clematis

Friday night at last, woohoo!

It's been a long week, for a short week.  It hasn't helped that I've been interviewing for the last two days...it's quite draining, mentally at least.   Today I was interviewing from 9am until 5.30pm...a bit of a marathon.

Not as much of a marathon as the Marathon Des Sables, which my cousin completed a couple of weeks ago.  Incredible - Philippa puts my puny efforts to shame!

Speaking of my puny efforts, the years primary challenge, the 50@50, is one week away today.  I'm feeling a bit out of shape still...perhaps because I still haven't done any exercise.

The weather looks like it'll be a continuation of today's heavy rain, so I think a climb outdoors is off the agenda.  I'd like to get a good bouldering session in on Sunday, to wake all the muscles up and to do some high volume, high intensity climbing. 

Anna was telling me that she'd been regaling a group of friends with the story of the imminent 50@50 challenge.  It seems they were fairly horrified at the notion of me doing a lot of climbs without any ropes.  Anna played it cool and nonchalantly suggested that it was well within my capabilities.  

Two things struck me about this exchange.

Firstly, whilst I suspect that it probably sounds much more dangerous and hardcore than it really is, that doesn't preclude it being a relatively serious undertaking.  I'm not in the least bit concerned or afraid about it, but neither am I convinced this is a good thing...am I managing the risk, or just ignoring it?   

There was a suggestion that we take bouldering pads...presumably for when I fall off.  For some reason, this irks me a little, and my instinct is to reject the idea.  In fact, as I'm writing this, I'm starting to understand...

When soloing (climbing without ropes), you must retain, at all times, a focus on the Prime Directive, which is "I will not fall off".   To place a boulder mat underneath me is to suffix the Prime Directive with "but if I should happen to...", and psychologically, the game changes. 

Suddenly, I'm both considering the idea of falling off (and so increasing the likelihood of that happening), and I've lost the focus required to stick with the Prime.   Risks have now risen, whilst reward has remained static.

Bottom line - no bouldering mats!

The second thing that struck me was how confident and supportive Anna is of my ability to complete my challenge.  Anna has seen me climb pretty much everything I've ever climbed, so for that reason alone (although I have many others), I consider her to be a hugely authoritative source.

Thanks Anna!  

Your apparent belief really helps to support my confidence, which helps me to retain the required focus, which helps me to not fall off!

50@50 Status Report: Bring it On! 

Anyway, there was a photo up there somewhere earlier on, wasn't there?!  What was it now?

Oh yes, clematis montana, climbing our car park fence, blooming soon!

It's looked virtually dead all winter, but now it's absolutely covered in these lovely buds.  It will be the first time this plant has flowered, as far as I can remember.  I expect Anna will correct me on that, but I prefer the notion that this is the first time...

History is written by the victor...so we'll go with my version, thanks...  

:-p

Day 114 - Blowin' in the Wind

times, they are a'changing

Here's a thing I can't quite get my head around...how is the focus of the camera affected by the focus of my eyes (or lack thereof)?

I bet you've all been wondering the same, haven't you?

All my life I have had really very good eyesight.  Most of my family wear glasses, and my mum's never been able to see past the end of her nose without glasses, but I've always had crisp, clear vision - both close up, and at distance. 

Then I reached my forties, and things started to change.  As I stumbled towards 45, I started to notice that I was having to move things away a little in order to see them clearly.   By the time I'd reached my late forties, I'd begun to struggle to be able to hold things far enough away to be able to focus on them!  I slowly came to realise that I also had become much more light sensitive, in that I needed a lot of it in order to be able to read anything.

After much denial, I finally relented and went for an eye test, only to be told that I need reading glasses...great, that was money well spent!

So now I have some reading glasses that I mostly resist using...and then I'm repeatedly amazed at how clear everything is whenever I do get around to putting them on...

Bottom line - now I'm 50, I can't see anything nearer to my eyes than about 18" with any clarity, unless I wear glasses...and of course when I use a camera, I never wear glasses.

Now, Anna's camera is what's known as a "bridge" camera (or Compact DSLR). 

Light is directed through a series of lenses onto a light sensitive sensor.  The sensor creates a digital image of what it senses, and sends this to the viewfinder.  Inside the viewfinder is a tiny screen with a digital representation of the image.  

So if my eyes can't focus close up, and my eye is one inch away from a tiny screen, and the original high resolution digital image has been reduced to a very low resolution image in order to fit the tiny viewfinder screen...then how on Earth am I to discern when the camera is in focus when I take a picture?

(here's a clue: I can't!)

Interestingly though, when I used a true DSLR camera, where the view through the viewfinder is straight out of the front of the camera, I'm sure I could discern focus.  

But am I using the camera's lens to compensate for my eye's deficiencies?   If so, then won't the image be out of focus once my eyes are taken out of the equation?

How does the little screen in the Bridge compare to the actual view-through-the-lens DSLR, with respect to my ability to focus the damn thing?!

The answer (much like the photo above), is by no means clear.  Bob Dylan reckons it's blowin' in the wind, so maybe next time I'm up on a breezy edge, I'll listen out for it.  Until then, I'm a-pondering, and will update you when I have made some progress.

In the meantime, I quite like this photo, in spite of it's failings...

The colours are natural and pleasing, and the deadhead in the middle of the shot echoes my once perfect, but now failing eyesight.   The dying flower is a signpost to the beginning of the end of Spring, or maybe the end of the beginning of Spring...

Whilst tinged with sadness, the death of the flower also hints at change to come - and with change comes new life and new potential, for new adventures, and new opportunities...

I'm up for it...you?

;-)

Day 98 - Peacekeepers

chill, cat...

We went on a photography course today.  It was a basic introduction to DSLR cameras, which seems a little inappropriate, as we don't have one...

Anna does have a really nice Compact DSLR (which isn't actually a DSLR), though.   Still, it has the same functions, and of course the same principles of photography apply regardless of type of camera.  So we learned some useful stuff about f-stops and shutter speeds, focal length and aperture size.  I'd go so far as to say that it was worth getting up at the usual work time on a Saturday morning for!

At home this afternoon, I spent half an hour messing around, erm I mean practising, of course, with various settings, and trying to get photo's with a narrow depth of field.  In other words, trying to get the subject in focus and everything else blurred to some degree. 

Some sort of annoying software malfunction on Anna's camera causes it to use ridiculously slow shutter speeds inappropriately, which was a bit of a challenge, but I managed two or three reasonably nice shots.

cat chilled...

In the process of taking these pictures, I realised that Jazz and Loz are increasingly becoming buddies.  More and more, I find them together, in the kitchen, or on the sofa, or wherever, usually around a metre or so apart.  I think they've started to find some comfort and safety in each others company.

(I also just realised how they're both in a couple of previous blog photo's...)

There's an interesting theory about calming signals, which says that dogs send out body language messages all the time, to others around them.  The purpose of these signals is to encourage calmness in other dogs, humans, or in this case cats, often by doing things that display a calmness in the signaller.  Dogs will yawn, or slowly close their eyes (cats do this too), or look away casually, or a whole range of other behaviours.

In the top photo, you can see that Loz is in Alert mode.   This is a critical stage of the Predation Process, which goes something like;

Scan, Alert, Target, Stalk, Chase, Bite, Kill.

Loz may even be in Target mode, if she's spotted potential prey over in the hedgerow. 

Consequently, Jazz is looking in the same direction, but with soft eyes, no tension in his face, and ears back.  These are clear signals to Loz to calm down, to resist conflict.

In the next photo, Loz has responded to Jazz's calm energy by coming out of Alert mode - in fact, by dropping out of the Predation Process altogether - and going back to eating grass. 

Jazz agrees with this by politely looking away, still no tension in his face.

And so an easy peace is maintained, despite no physical interaction whatsoever, and without either of them even looking at each other!

We humans could learn a thing or two about keeping the peace, from dogs. 

Funnily enough, cats are very different.  If Jazz is too excited, Loz has her own fairly blunt signal that Jazz should calm down immediately - she just gets into his space, fixes him with an intimidating stare, and then swipes his flanks with her claws!

We humans could learn a thing or two about not keeping the peace very effectively from cats....or Americans...

Ooh, miaow!

In other news, here's a daffodil, all nicely focussed and whatnot. 

Day 87 - Opposites Annoy

flowers of some sort

I still don't know what sort of flowers these are...as I mentioned the other day, the best I can do is "purple and yellow ones".

Although I expect Anna will tell me they're not purple...maybe not yellow either.   I don't know, colours aren't my thing. 

Well, I think I know which colours are what, but the rest of the world often seems to disagree with me.  How can you all be so wrong?!

I wonder if it's related to this weird oppositional confusion thing I seem to have these days.

Quite often, I'll think one thing, but somehow my mouth says the opposite.  It's always with opposites too, such as left or right, odd or even, yes or no, even (or did I mean odd?). 

Suffice to say, it drives Anna mad.  I'll say "turn left here" when I mean "turn right".  Or when Anna is climbing I'll helpfully say, "right foot up", instead of "left foot up". 

Sometimes it can be even more misleading; "Up to the right with your left hand, layback, and then put your right foot out wide to the left...". 

By the time Anna's tried to process that into some kind of feasible sense, her forearms are pumped and she's lost focus.  I don't do it deliberately, though...honest!  ;-)

To be fair, Anna is pretty good at working out when I've said the wrong thing, and I haven't hurt anyone yet (except for Anna's forearms!)...

It must be annoying though - I'd be annoyed if it was me...at least by the umpteenth time of me utterly confusing a situation by saying some weird oppositional thing...

Anyway, that's the start of today's post...more yesterday.

Day 79 - Synchronicity

on the defensive

You can tell this photo wasn't taken by me, because it's so beautifully framed.

Anna has been besieged by mosquito's since we arrived in Spain.  Before bed last night, I scoured the apartment and only found one, which I duly dispatched.  They don't bother me at all - I'm not sure if they don't bite me, or I just don't react.  But they do bite Anna, and she does react. 

Around 4am this morning, for some reason I awoke as one buzzed past my head.  I then spent the next 10 minutes trying to spot it again, with just a few glimpses before losing it.  So I sat reading for an hour on mozzie watch, but didn't see it again.  

Eventually I feel back to sleep, but this cold/virus/whatever I've got has really kicked in now, so I slept fitfully at best.  

Anna got up around 9, but in a strange reversal, I felt so rough I couldn't get up at all, and stayed in bed for much of the day, wondering if I'd be able to climb at all this week. 

Anna kindly offered to go and take some pictures for me, as she was feeling restless and bored...I gladly accepted her offer. 

This is an interesting tree that Anna found just over the way.  It's got that bulbous water-retention thing going on, even though there's little sign of life - there's no foliage to speak of at this time of year. 

This seems at odds with it's amazing defence system - the trunk is covered in large, dangerous looking thorns.

I guess that the foliage, when it arrives, must be highly valuable to the tree, and it doesn't want anything grazing off it.  The tree's still here, so it must work as a survival strategy.

Speaking of survival, how's this for a weird coincidence...

Yesterday, whilst nosing about the BBC news website, I came across an article on the survival of the human species.  It was published last year, and referenced a group of academics at Oxford University, headed by a Swede named Nick Bostrom.

The article discussed the various threats facing human survival over the next century, biological, technological and the like. 

Later yesterday, out of the 1,000 or so books on my kindle, I decided to start reading Bedlam, by Christopher Brookmyre. I knew nothing about the book, and on the kindle there's no back cover to browse, but I usually love Brookmyre's work, so I started in on spec.

It turns out that the book is a sci-fi novel, unlike his usual crime drama's, and whilst ostensibly about a scientist stuck inside a computer game, the underlying theme appears to relate to possible future technology whereby consciousness could be digitised and virtual worlds could thus be fully experienced as if they're real.  

This afternoon, 30% or so of the way through the book, Brookmyre references a 2003 academic paper by one Nick Bostrom of Oxford University, which seems to have served, in part at least, as inspiration for the story!

Weird synchronicity!

8-o

Day 52 - It May Be Winter Outside

but in my heart, it's Spring

Unusually, I just happened to have a few spare seconds of head space around lunchtime today.   In a rare auspicious moment, I also happened to notice that the sun was shining, and this sparked my mind on to the need for a daily blog photo. 

On the way into work this morning, the weather was clear and bright, and the roads busy.

Progress was slow...

But this provided a welcome opportunity to have a bit of a gander at the woods along the way - I'm always curious to see what signs of life might be evident.

Sure enough, I saw a few little pools of snowdrops, almost shining on the otherwise misty, brown floor from which they sprouted.   A pang of regret prodded gently at me...already late for work, and in a traffic jam with nowhere to stop, the apparent opportunity to catch a photo was an apparition.

So when I noticed that the sun was out at lunchtime, I quickly realised that I might find snowdrops in the church garden 150 yards down the road.

Typically, the sun went in as I approached, and with the sky greying, I feared the chance had passed. 

Then I walked into the graveyard, the sun came out, and there were crocuses (croci to ecologists, Romans and pedants) everywhere!

To be fair, there were also snowdrops, but the croci were clearly more photogenic.

I liked this photo, even though I couldn't see to take it, in the bright sunlight...it was something of a lucky (albeit calculated) guess.

Flowers on a grave are a significant cliché, of course.   But cliché are generally cliché because they contain elements of truth, and this is no exception.

New life emerging amongst the barren headstones in bright, propitious Spring sunlight...it's timeless imagery, isn't it?

Pondering this, I've only just realised how this 5 minute photography session helped cement a positive, optimistic tone for the rest of the day... 

It's been a good day!

Thanks, flowers!

:-)